Never Enough
by LittleSecret
Summary: Izaya has an eating disorder that he hides but then a very worried boyfriend finds out. Shizaya/High school/Eating disorder/Purging/Depression/Self harm/Probably smut in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

"Thanks for dinner," Izaya thanked his mother, Mitsuki, and rose from his chair.

"You're welcome, honey." His mother replied as Izaya left the kitchen and headed upstairs towards his room. Or so his parents thought.

The raven went directly into the bathroom upstairs which was just opposite his room. He closed and locked the door behind him, grabbing the handle to make sure the door was locked properly. Izaya stood before the toilet, pulling his long sleeves up to make sure they would stay clean. He then placed one hand on the toilet seat, bent over the toilet with his back arched, while he stuck a finger down his throat.

There he was, at it again. It had become a daily routine for him and even if he wanted to, he couldn't make himself stop. He had gotten used to purging after dinner every night and on those days where he tried not to; he just couldn't bear it and ended up going into the bathroom to do it anyway. He couldn't help it. He just _needed _to do it. The guilt that build up after having ate dinner was just too much for him to handle. Therefore, he _had _to purge.

Pushing his finger deeper down his throat he began feeling slightly sick and could feel how the food would soon come back up to greet him. Izaya moved his finger around inside his throat until he vomited. Then he did it again. And again. And again. His eyes became teary and his nose began running as he kept going, pushing his finger down his throat and then throwing up. It was very disgusting and if anyone saw him right now, they would think of him as a gross freak and he hated it but he had to do it. Besides, no one would ever see him like that anyway. Because no one knew what he was doing.

After a while he couldn't get anymore food up and figured that that was about it. Neither more food nor liquid would come out. He was done. Finally. The raven's body was shaking slightly as he went to the sink to wash his hands. There was vomit on his finger, sliding down his hand and stopped by his wrist. He didn't even wrinkle his nose at the sight like he had done the first few times. No, Izaya had gotten used to it. Even though he still found it awfully disgusting, he could handle it now.

Izaya looked in the mirror, seeing his pitiful reflection staring right back at him. Oh, how he hated what looked back at him, especially when he had that repulsive running nose and those pathetic teary eyes. Had he gone paler too? Well, that was one thing he could accept, since he had been fairly pale to begin with.

He washed his hands thoroughly and with loads of soap to make sure he would get the smell washed off. He wouldn't want anyone to find out what he had been doing, even though he probably wouldn't see the other members of his family until next morning.

Mairu and Kururi would probably be in their shared room and his mother, Mitsuki, and father, Takashi, would usually spend the evening in the living room, watching TV or what ever they liked to do on Fridays.

With clean hands he took some toilet-paper to clean his mouth with and threw it into the toilet. Then, he took some more which he wetted with water from the sink and then dried his mouth off once more and threw that toilet-paper into the toilet as well and at last he took a bit more of toilet paper to dry off the water and let that toilet-paper join the rest. At last he blew his running nose and flushed the toilet. After that, he washed his hands once more.

That was the end of Izaya's purge routine. Sighing, he left the toilet and went straight into his room, letting his tired body fall down onto his bed. There he lay on his stomach with his head buried in his pillow, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep. But even as he tried, he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking. Oh, those damn thoughts! Why did life had to suck this much? It just wasn't fair. Why did he have to be the fat boy in class? Scratch that, why did he have to be the _fattest _person in the _universe_? He hated it. He hated his body.

The raven rolled unto his back and pulled up his shirt, looking at his stomach. It was too big. _Huge_. He couldn't even see his rips! Only his hipbone was visible but that was only slightly and definitely not enough. He wanted to be thinner. He wanted to look much more handsome. But no. Life just wasn't that generous, which is why he had been eating very little for two months now and after a while he figured that he wasn't loosing enough weight and began purging after dinner. Now, he couldn't eat anything without feeling guilty. This was partly bad since he had a date with his boyfriend tomorrow, because it was Saturday. Izaya liked his boyfriend a lot and loved going on dates with him but now _these _types of dates were rather scary for him, because they were going out to _eat_.

Usually, it wasn't a problem for him to purge after dinner even if his boyfriend was there, since he would just wait in his room while Izaya went to the toilet. Izaya had a pack of mint pastilles hidden in the bathroom he could eat before going into his room, where his boyfriend would be patiently waiting. But, because they were eating out, he wouldn't have a chance to go purge after having eaten. Now, how could he possibly purge? Maybe they could hurry home after eating? No, if he suddenly wanted to leave like that it would seem suspicious. Besides, they had always liked to stay at least 15-30 minutes longer to just talk about things they had been doing and such. Not like they rarely saw each other since they attended the same school and hang out in the working days as well.

But how could he purge? He knew he would have to purge, but how?

He lay in his bed, thinking it through until he suddenly worked out a plan that he thought could work. Izaya decided that he would bring a pack of mint pastilles and just do it in the bathroom in whatever place they were to eat. It would be really gross and he felt extremely disgusted for even considering doing something like that to the staff but it was his only option. He had to do it and he would.


	2. Chapter 2

A sigh left a certain raven's lips as he looked himself in the mirror that hung on the inside of his wardrobe-door. It was evening and he had just gotten dressed for his date and was now looking at his disappointing reflexion in the long mirror. Why did he have to be so fat? It was honestly disgusting. Had he lost any weight at all?

Another sigh left Izaya as he sat down on the edge of his bed and let himself fall down onto his back. He stared emptily up at the ceiling and thought a few things over.

He was 175 cm tall and he had started out weighting 58 kg. Izaya was currently down at 54,2 kg but he couldn't see any change on his body. He was as fat as ever! Why?! After loosing 3,8 kg he should be able to see some sort of change, but still he couldn't.

Still, he had to continue even though he had noticed that it was beginning to take longer for him to loose weight. When he started, he lost almost two kilos in the first week but now he only lost about one kilo and that was on a good week. But he would continue because it was worth it. It was definitely worth it.

Izaya was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard the doorbell ring. A half-smile, half-smirk spread on Izaya's face as he went downstairs and opened the door.

"Hi, Shizu-chan~, did you miss me?" he teased, though he was sincerely happy to see his boyfriend.

"Yeah, I guess so," the blonde smiled and leaned down to place a soft kiss on the raven's lips.

The black-haired really loved the brute. At their first meeting, Shizuo had declared his hatred for the raven and then tried to punch him and from there on, they kept fighting through their first year of high school. But that was only until the end of that first year. Suddenly, Shizuo became less violent and Izaya stopped tormenting Shizuo with gangs and the heartless teasing subsided. At the 22nd of May, they started dating. Well, Izaya still did tease his 'monster', but he loved the guy and Shizuo loved him too anyway.

Shizuo still had his anger issues though, but Izaya liked it and had told Shizuo that it was great since life would never get boring and neither would their relationship. That had made Shizuo exceptionally happy. It made him so happy that he had hugged the raven so hard he 'almost broke in half'; as Izaya had put it while complaining with a slight blush spread on his cheeks.

Their relationship had been awkward and embarrassing in the beginning but they had calmed down and gotten used to it little by little and was now in a pretty decent relationship. The two of them have been dating for almost 10 months and, of course, they had had sex. They started having sex together after having dated for six months, which means they had done it quite a lot of times by now.

"Aren't your parent's home?" Shizuo suddenly asked at the lack of Izaya's mother either coming to greet him or yelling a 'welcome' from inside the living room like she usually did.

"No, they're out today and Mairu and Kururi are at a friend's house for a sleepover."

"Alright. Ready?"

"Yea-, ah, I forgot my wallet in my room. Wait here!" Izaya said as he went upstairs to get his wallet from his room but also the mint pastels from the bathroom. He took the package and put it in his back pocket, behind his wallet. He couldn't have Shizuo finding them.

"Let's get going," he told the blonde as he returned and put his shoes and jacket on. Izaya closed and locked the door behind them and from there, they walked down the street. Shizuo sweetly grabbed Izaya's small hand and they intertwined their fingers.

"So, where are we going?" Izaya asked.

"Dunno."

"Ehhh? And here I thought you actually had planned something. I guess that just requires too much thinking." Izaya teased with a confident smirk. "I guess it's just too much to ask of a protozoan- Ow, Shizu-chan, that hurts," Izaya chuckled as Shizuo squeezed his hand a bit too hard.

"Drop it, flea." Shizuo sighed softly.

Izaya gave another chuckle and walked closer to Shizuo; their shoulders almost brushing.

"I just thought you had a place in mind since you suddenly asked me to go out with you," the raven said, suddenly remembering that he _had _to _eat_. He briefly wondered if Shizuo thought of Izaya as fat as well. He probably did, didn't he? He just didn't want to tell Izaya since it would hurt his feelings. Oh no, Shizuo thought of him as fat too, he was sure of it!

_'Shizu-chan will like me better when I'm skinny. I need to be skinny. Skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny…'_

His thoughts kept wandering off as he began thinking that maybe Shizuo thought his hand was fat as well. Izaya suddenly felt uncomfortable about holding hands. Shizuo probably didn't like holding onto his disgustingly fat hand but forced himself just to make the raven happy.

_'I'm such an awful boyfriend! Why can't I just be skinny already?! Don't eat, you fat cow! Be skinny, be skinny, be skinny, be skinny, be skinny!'_

"Izaya? Are you listening?"

"Eh?" Izaya let out confused and looked up at the other; ruby eyes meeting honey eyes.

"Did you hear anything of what I just said?"

"Ah, sorry, Shizu-chan," he laughed lightly with a hint of nervousness that he hoped Shizuo wouldn't notice. "I'm afraid you'll have to repeat that."

Shizuo sighed deeply. "I said, that I thought you might like to go to Russian Sushi or maybe that restaurant we went to last time. You know, the one near the park with the swings."

Izaya thought for a second, still feeling rather uncomfortable with holding hands. His grip loosened a bit on Shizuo's hand as he spoke, "Then I'd like to go to The House."

"Hm? Where's that?" Shizuo questioned and gave Izaya's hand a light squeezed which made him tense and then relax again, feeling a bit more secure. The brute had actually noticed that he had loosened his grip? Maybe Shizuo wasn't as dim as Izaya thought he was.

"It's the name of the restaurant, Shizu-chan," he chuckled lightly. He knew they had some low-fat dishes there, which made it the best place possible for Izaya to eat.

"It is? Then, let's go there." Shizuo said determined and headed in the direction of the restaurant.

* * *

I might not have gotten a lot of reviews, but I'm very happy for the three I got! Thank you! And a big thanks to those who faved or/and follows my story!

Reply to 'Guest': Thank you! My intention was to make this like the real deal and not "sugar coat" it, as you say.

Thanks for reading this and please leave a review, telling me what you find bad or good or just what you generally think about the story!


	3. Chapter 3

"Welcome Sir! A table for two?"

"Yeah," Shizuo replied the girl who stood before them, wearing a waiter uniform.

"Alright, this way please," she smiled and led them to their table. They got a table in the back near one of the corners. There were a lot of people today so they were worried there wouldn't be a table for them when they had entered the restaurant. But luckily, their thoughts proved wrong.

The girl gave them both a menu card. "My name is Kuji and I'll be your waiter for tonight," she started and bowed as the two males slipped off their jackets and hung them on the back of their chairs. "I'll be back when you're ready to order." With that said she gave them another quick bow and left them alone. They sat down, opposite each other and began looking through their menu cards.

"Hmm.. Let's see," Shizuo mumbled to himself as he looked at the many dishes on the menu.

Izaya's eyes wandered from the menu card to Shizuo's face and then back down at the menu card. He was getting nervous. How annoying.

"Is everything alright?"

"Eh? Ah, of course, Shizu-chan," Izaya said in a confident tone and chuckled lightly. Shizuo smiled at him and returned his attention to the menu card.

_'What should I do?'_ Izaya thought, holding the menu card up to cover his face. _'Something small… A dish with low- fat.. and little calories. Where is the low-fat section..' _Izaya went through the menu card until he found the right section. It had a few beef menus but mostly salad. He would definitely have a salad because salads always contained least calories.

"I think I'll go for the Gyudon beef bowl. How about you?" Shizuo suddenly asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Chicken salad," was Izaya's reply. He put his menu card down on the table and noticed the sweet look Shizuo was giving him. "What?"

"Nothing.. I'm just glad we went out today, I guess," the blonde shrugged.

Right as Izaya was about to reply, the girl, Kuji, came back to their table, "Have you decided on what you would like to eat, Sir?"

"Yeah, we would like a Gyudon beef bowl and a chicken salad," Shizuo told her with a smile.

"Yes. Small, medium or large salad?" the smiling girl asked while she was writing down what they wanted.

"Small," Izaya said too quickly for his own liking. He almost sounded eager. "A small one, please," he corrected himself, ignoring the odd stare Shizuo was giving him.

"And what would you like to drink, Sir?"

"Water," said Izaya.

"Yes, and you?" Kuji asked Shizuo.

"A coke."

The girl nodded, writing down the rest before she took their menu cards and gave them a quick bow before she left.

_'She sure is thin…' _Izaya thought as the girl walked away. Shizuo would probably be better off with someone as beautifully thin as she was. She had a small waist with slightly big hips, but in a nice looking way. He could clearly see her pretty curves, because her uniform consisted of a red shirt and a black, tight skirt that stopped at the middle of her thin tights. She had a great, thin, _skinny _body. Why didn't he have such a great body? Just in male version of course.

"Izaya? Hey, Izaya?"

"Ah, sorry, Shizu-chan," the raven said as he turned his full attention back to the blonde. "Did you say something?"

"Are you alright?" Shizuo sounded worried as he spoke. Great, now he made his boyfriend worry. What a wonderful boyfriend Izaya was.

"Yes, of course I am," he smiled.

"You sure you're not feeling bad or anything? You've been a little off today. Always dozing off."

"No, I'm fine. As always, ne?" he said with his usual smirk-smile.

Shizuo nodded and they chatted about all sorts of things like they usually did and just had a great time until Kuji came with their food and drinks.

"I'm sorry I didn't bring your drinks sooner, but I'm new here and we're very busy tonight. Sorry, Sir," she apologized and bowed for the two teens.

"It's okay, don't worry about it," Izaya assured her. He really was a bit jealous of her. She had _such _a thin body. And just to top it all of she had a pretty face as well. How come an average girl like her could be so thin and beautiful while he was stuck with a horribly fat, huge, disgusting body and a regular and rather unattractive face? What had he done to deserve less than anybody else?

How had he managed to get such a handsome boyfriend anyway? Shizuo had a wonderful face and a strong build body. He was _perfect_. Why would he even bother with a person like Izaya, who was _nothing _compared to Shizuo. _Nothing _compared to that girl, Kuji. _Nothing _compared to _everyone._

"Izaya!"

"Eh?"

"You're dozing off again. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, Shizu-chan," Izaya said with a sigh.

"If you say so," Shizuo shrugged, not completely convinced.

Both ate their dinner and started chatting again. Izaya tried to forget about the girl and everything else and just focused on having a great time with his boyfriend. But that was harder than he had first thought. The salad was very big after all and he didn't want to eat all of it. Therefore, he ate very slowly in order for him not to eat too much and of course Shizuo had to comment on that.

"You're really slow, flea," the blonde joked teasingly.

"Just because I don't shovel food down my throat doesn't mean I'm a slow eater, Shizu-chan," Izaya replied with a teasing smile, though he actually got nervous when Shizuo made the comment. He really didn't want the blonde to find out.

They both laughed lightly at the joke and kept eating. When Izaya was half done, he figured it would be alright for him to stop. He couldn't make himself eat more anyway. Besides, Shizuo was a fast eater and had already finished his dish.

"Done already?" Shizuo asked, raising a brow in question.

"Yes, that was delicious. Did you like yours?"

"I did… Are you sure you don't want some more?"

"I'm sure. I had quite a lot for lunch," he lied. He hadn't eating anything at all that day. What a horrible person he was. Lying to his lover like that. It was disgusting. Well, he did lie to people since his interest was humans and their reactions to different situations but lying to his boyfriend and family was far from pleasant in his opinion. He hated it but he had no choice.

Shizuo was about to reply when he was interrupted by Izaya, "I'll just go to the bathroom."

Then the raven left and before walking into one of the booths he checked to see if there was anyone else in there. He felt lucky today, as there weren't anyone but him and went into one of the booths, locking the door behind him. Luckily, it was one of those with a sink inside the booth so it wasn't gonna be a problem to wash his hands and face. He looked at his phone to see what time it was in order to make sure he wouldn't be taking too long. He wouldn't want it to seem suspicious after all.

The black-haired rolled up his sleeves and placed one hand on the toilet seat as he arched his back and bend down over the toilet, standing up like usually to make use of gravity. A finger made its way down his throat and he began feeling bad.

When he was done with his usual ritual and went to wash his hands for the last time he made sure to use a lot of soap so his hands wouldn't smell. He felt dizzy but it didn't matter.

Taking out the package of mint pastels from behind his wallet in the back pocket of his pants, he took out four of the rather small pastels and let them melt in his mouth, making sure they had been everywhere in his mouth so he wouldn't smell like vomit. He looked at his phone again, seeing that he had been gone for 15 minutes already. It was time to get back to Shizuo.

"What took you so long?" Shizuo questioned as Izaya sat down on his chair.

"I went to the _toilet_, Shizu-chan. Do you really want to know?"

Shizuo growled softly in reply. "You're just acting weird today."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No."

Shizuo sighed in defeat. There was a few minutes of silence until Shizuo spoke again, "Wanna stay or go home?"

"Hm? You decide."

"Then... let's go." Shizuo had an annoyed frown on his face but that didn't necessarily mean that he was angry. It was just part of Shizuo's personality to sometimes wear that expression but Izaya didn't mind.

They paid for their food and drinks and walked towards Izaya's parents' house. Shizuo had yet to grab a hold of Izaya's hand again but the raven wasn't sure he minded not holding hands. After all, it had been uncomfortable for him after thinking about how fat his fingers and palm must feel for Shizuo when he's holding his fat hand. It must have been horrible, all the times they held hands.

But of course Shizuo just had to hold his hand again and they intertwined their fingers like usually. Izaya tried to ignore the thoughts of how disgusted Shizuo was but that was easier said than done. Still, he managed to talk to Shizuo like he usually did and in the end it went well.

"Did you pass the math test you were talking about last time?" Izaya asked.

"Barely," the blonde sighed deeply.

"I'll help you out again if you want me to."

"That would be great. I'm really no good when it comes to numbers."

"You're no good when it comes to using your brain," Izaya corrected.

"Flea.." Shizuo warned, squeezing the other's hand hard.

Izaya mumbled a quiet 'ow' when his phone suddenly rang. "Hello?" he said as he picked up. "Ah, mom, what is it?"

_"Would you mind if dad and I spent the night at the Onsen?"_

"Eh? No, not at all."

_"Are you sure?"_

"Yes, of course, mom."

_"Thanks, honey. Oh, you're with Shizuo-kun now, right?"_

"I am. Why?"

_"Why don't you sleep at his house for tonight then? Or you could go stay at our house too, if you'd like. Then you won't have to be alone all night."_

"I'm not a kid anymore, you know?"

_"I know, honey, I would just feel more at ease if you were with someone."_

"Alright, alright. I'll figure something out."

_"Good! Then I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, honey."_

"Good night." Izaya hang up and smiled at his phone. Yes, his parents knew about his and Shizuo's relationship. At first they had been surprised but his mother quickly accepted it and soon his father got used to it as well. He respected and loved them for that.

"What did she say?" Shizuo asked curiously as he noticed the smile on Izaya's face.

"My parents are staying the night at the Onsen they went to eat at."

"Will you be all alone then?"

"Yeah. Unless.." Izaya started, looking up at Shizuo with a smirk. "You'll keep me company."

Shizuo smirked right back at him as both stopped walking. The tall blonde leaned down and kissed the other's soft lips. Soon after, he pulled back and was only a few centimetres from Izaya's face. "Of course I will."

* * *

I think I might have abused the word 'menu card'..  
Anyway, thanks for all the lovely reviews! I'm glad people enjoy reading my story.

Thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

What had he gotten himself into? In a moment of stupidity he had asked Shizuo to sleep over. Why did he do that? He could just lie to his mother and say that Shizuo had in fact stayed the night, even if he hated lying to her. But there he was, in his room with his boyfriend who sat on Izaya's soft bed. They had walked passed Shizuo's house to get a change of clothes for him to wear the next day and asked his parents if they were alright with him staying the night at Izaya's place. Of course, they allowed it with a smile on their faces and there was nothing Izaya could do about it.

Now, why was that such a big problem for the raven? Because they would be sleeping in the same bed. The same bed! That meant hugging and cuddling all night like they usually did when they slept together. But Izaya couldn't go there. He was sure he would disgust Shizuo if he hugged his fat body. All that fat… Shizuo would feel it…

How had the blonde been able to bear touching him when his body was just one big lump of fat? It was a mystery to the raven. Besides, he was now sure to feel uncomfortable as _hell _too. Now that he had discovered how Shizuo, probably, truly felt it was unbearable for him to keep letting the blonde touch him. All that fat… Disgusting. Then how about when they had sex? That must have been horrible for Shizuo as well!

Izaya felt more and more disgusted and worthless as his thoughts ran freely, finding more and more errors about him and reasons for Shizuo to hate his body. He really didn't get why Shizuo bothered with him when he was so fat. Shizuo could get someone better if he wanted to… With that handsome face and _amazing _body, it would be easy. So why chose Izaya? Why wasn't he going out with someone prettier? Someone _skinnier_.

"Hey, come here," Shizuo said in a soft tone and gestured Izaya to come closer.

This snapped Izaya out of his thoughts and with a questioning look he walked towards the blonde. Shizuo suddenly grabbed Izaya by the wrist and harshly, but gently, swung him around and down onto the bed, making Izaya fall down on his back.

"Hm? Shizu-chan, what are you doing?" Izaya asked as said blonde hovered over him.

Shizuo merely smirked and leaned down to press his lips against the others soft ones. Izaya quickly relaxed into the kiss, closing his eyes and felt how Shizuo opened his mouth and licked his lips, begging for entrance. Izaya parted his lips as well allowing a curious tongue to enter his mouth. The raven couldn't help but moan at the feeling.

Wait… What were they doing? Shizuo didn't have something… more in mind, did he? No, no, no, Izaya couldn't go there! Showing his awfully fat body to Shizuo? No way! He had done that way to many times already and he wouldn't let it happen again! Shizuo didn't have to ever look at his disgusting naked body again. At least not until he was skinny.

He needed to be skinny… Now. It was necessary.

Izaya's hands grabbed the other's hand that had begun unbuttoning the raven's pants; making Shizuo stop and pull back from the kiss.

"What?" Shizuo asked confused.

"You're such a brute, Shizu-chan… doing things without even asking." Izaya said with his usual smirk that had a hint of caring.

"I never had to ask before, flea." The blonde growled lowly, obviously annoyed that Izaya had stopped him.

"Well, you do now. Besides, did it ever occur to you that I might not be in the mood for that type of activity? Hm?"

Shizuo sighed. "Come on, Izaya. We both know you don't mean that."

_'Please, Shizu-chan… It's for the best for the both of us.' _Izaya thought helplessly.

Since when had he become so vulnerable? He had always been overly confident in everything he said and did. Yet why? Why had he become that way? He briefly remembered his encounter a few months back with some guy he had teased with lies in order to see his reaction. The guy had gotten incredibly pissed off and even commented on Izaya's weight and body. At first this hadn't bothered Izaya but when someone he knew made a joke about his weight as well, he had started thinking about it. And in the end, he agreed. He really _was _fat. Well, he knew that his friend calling him fat had been a simple joke but it still got to him, though, mostly because the other guy had commented on it before. Though, that guy was probably just talking bullshit in a moment of anger.

Those two incidences made him look himself in the mirror and realize just how _right _they were. He was indeed fat. He got horrified with his new discovery and began eating less. And less. And less… And then he started purging as well.

"I'm afraid I do, Shizu-chan. I just don't feel like it."

"You just wanna keep that body of yours all to yourself, won't you?" Shizuo growled, lying himself down on top of the smaller male, burying his face in the sheets in between Izaya's neck and shoulder.

That remark rubbed Izaya the wrong way.

_'I knew it. He thinks I'm fat as well! He's even referring that I should keep it to myself by saying it in an indirect way. I knew it.. I just knew it… Why didn't I realize it sooner?'_

"Mat do ou ant o mo?"

"Excuse me?" Izaya asked confused.

Shizuo lifted his upper body and looked down at the raven beneath him. "What do you want to do?" There was a short pause and before Izaya could answer, Shizuo continued; "Why won't you have sex with me?" he asked bluntly. Since when was Shizuo so straight-forward?

"I just don't feel like it."

"Are you sure you're feeling alright? You've been a bit off since I picked you up today." Shizuo said firmly. "Or maybe it hurts somewhere? Are you still sore from last time?"

"N-no, geez. It's been at least a month since last time. How could it possibly still hurt?" The blonde shrugged in reply and said nothing more, in order to make Izaya tell him the truth. "There's nothing wrong, Shizu-chan. Isn't it getting late anyway? I think we should go to bed early. Then we'll have more time in the morning."

"Izaya.." Shizuo sighed, getting up from the raven. He took out his phone, "It's only 10 pm."

"We can put on a movie and fall asleep while watching it?" Izaya suggested. No matter what, he wouldn't be able to prevent them from cuddling. So let be it.

"Alright, alright. You go choose a movie then." Shizuo surrendered.

Izaya found the newest Sherlock Holmes and decided they could watch that.

"Let's watch this, Shizu-chan. I'm not sure you'll be able to understand all those difficult words the characters might say, but when you get caught in a moment of confusion, feel free to ask me what's going on!"

"What?" Shizuo growled and looked at the DVD cover. "It's Sherlock Holmes, flea. Of course I'll understand the words. It's not a fucking psychology documentary." He hissed.

"Now, now, don't be upset, Shizu-chan," the raven laughed, amused. He put the movie on while Shizuo changed into a pair of sweat pants and a white t-shirt to sleep in.

Suddenly Izaya realized that if he didn't want Shizuo to look at his body, he would have to get changed while Shizuo changed; since it would seem rather odd if he went to the bathroom to change. They had had sex after all and Izaya had never had a problem getting undressed in front of the blonde before.

The black-haired quickly went to his wardrobe and found a fresh pair of knee length shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in. Looking over his shoulder he noticed that Shizuo was already putting on his shirt. God damn it! He quickly pulled off his pants and shit only to let them be replaced with the nightwear he had found. Inside, he felt relieved that he got dressed without Shizuo looking his way. However, when he turned around he was met with honey eyes staring right into his red ones.

"Excuse me?" Izaya said in a huffy tone. Usually, the huffy 'excuse me' would be followed by a smart remark on how Shizuo couldn't control himself and therefore kept staring at Izaya's prefect being, but now he couldn't do it. He couldn't lie to himself like that. There was nothing perfect about him. There was nothing _good _about him.

"What? I just like staring at my boyfriend while he gets dressed. Is that a problem?" Shizuo said honestly and lay himself down on the bed, sliding over to make room for Izaya.

Izaya gave a small 'hmpf' in reply and turned off the lights in his room. Placing the remote controls to the TV and the DVD player on the night table beside the bed, he crawled up, lying on his side with his back facing Shizuo. The TV was to the left of the bed.

Shizuo then suddenly moved closer; his chest pressed against the smaller male's back. He put his arm around Izaya's waist underneath the covers and hugged him closer; half of his face buried in raven locks.

And then the movie started.

Izaya was tense. He just couldn't make himself relax. Not when Shizuo was holding him so close. It was horrible. No, torture was what it was!

Shizuo seemed to notice his discomfort because before Izaya noticed, Shizuo's hand had found his underneath the covers and his thumb were gently stroking his soft skin. It felt comforting. _Relaxing_. And soon enough, Izaya was sound asleep.

* * *

Sorry about the rather late update… I wrote this chapter when I wrote chapter 3 but I haven't had time to read through, and edit this one for errors. However, it's all done now!

About Shizuo finding out about the eating disorder… It won't be too long before he finds out but I still have some things I want to happen before that. So, please bear with me. He will find out.

Thanks a lot for all the reviews! I highly appreciate every one of them and I hope to get some for this chapter as well. Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

WARNING: This chapter contains self harm. I am not promoting self harm in any way or telling people to go cut themselves if they have troubles. This story is written from a perspective that makes cutting seem great but in reality cutting is _far _from great.  
If you have not cut yourself before, or tried any other type of self harm, I highly recommend that you do NOT do it.  
Thank you.

* * *

The next morning, when Izaya had woken up, he snuck out of bed and into the bathroom without waking the blonde. There he stood in front of the mirror, looking at his reflection staring back at him. He still couldn't believe that the blonde was okay with him. What was he talking about? Of course the blonde wasn't okay with him! But that would change. Once Izaya lost more weight and became skinny, Shizuo would have nothing to worry about. Then he wouldn't have to be ashamed of dating someone like Izaya.

"Why?" Izaya told himself. "Why can't you just be perfect? Is it that fucking hard?! Just loose weight! Be prettier! Why are you so ugly anyway, you fat, _fat cow_! Be skinny, be skinny, _be skinny_!" he half-shouted at his reflection. Whoops, he would have to be careful if he didn't wanna wake Shizuo.

"Be skinny," he continued; this time without shouting. "Be skinny and people will like you. If you can't be pretty and handsome then at least be skinny. You need to loose weight. You need to be _thin_. Bones.. You need bones." He said as he pulled down the collar of his shirt to look at his collar-bones. They were hardly visible. He could see them, yes, but it wasn't enough. He was no near being thin.

He disposed of his shirt to get a full view of his upper body. God, all that fat. He grabbed the side of his hip and his hand was met with pure horror.

"So much fat.." the raven grimaced at the feeling of all the fat on his hip.

He felt how his anger slowly rose. How his sadness suddenly became overwhelming. What should he do? This was just too much for him to handle. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Eh?" he squeezed out, surprised at what he saw in the mirror. Tears? He was crying.

"Why would I-…" Izaya said, cutting himself off. He would never loose the weight he needed to rid himself of, would he? He would never get good enough for Shizuo, would he? No, of course he wouldn't! Who was he trying to fool? He was nothing but a _loser_. A regular idiotic Neanderthal that could be found on any street corner!

Why even bother trying?

"No.." Izaya mumbled between muffled cries. "I have to keep trying… But.."

He had had enough. He had never felt that way before. He felt horrible. Worthless. Unloved.

Izaya opened one of the cabinets beside the mirror and noticed he had opened the wrong one. His parents shared one of the cabinets while he and his sisters shared the other one. More tears fell down his face and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop crying.

"Stop it." Izaya told himself but with no use. He couldn't stop. "You're pathetic, you know that?" he whispered as he hid his face in his hands and silently cried. How was it even possible to feel that low?

He raised his head; his eyes filled with tears as his eyes fell on a package on his father's shelf. Izaya reached for the package as if out of reflex and opened it. The package was gently shaken until one of the objects gently fell onto the raven's hand. A razorblade.

The razor was wrapped in, probably for safety. The package was quickly put back where he found it and he wrapped out the razor. He hesitated for a moment; looking at the small, sharp thing in his hand. What was he going to do with it anyway?

The raven-haired looked himself in the mirror; looked at his fat, crying frame. Biting his lip in pure disgust as all types of horrible feelings fell over him; he put the tip of the razor to his left wrist and cut through the skin. Izaya started at the small cut and watched as blood started appearing in it.

It didn't even hurt. Not one bit. It actually… felt good.

"Izaya? Are you in there?"

Izaya jumped slightly in surprise at the sound of his boyfriend calling from just outside the door.

"Y-yeah," he replied and mentally hit himself upon hearing his strained voice.

"Hm? Are you alright?"

The raven took a few deep breaths before answering. He needed to calm down because he wouldn't want Shizuo to worry. He wouldn't want Shizuo _to know_.

"Of course I am, Shizu-chan. Just go to my room, I'll be there in a minutes." Good, that sounded more like him. He somehow managed to say that in his usual smug yet caring tone.

Izaya heard Shizuo yawn before replying, "Yeah, alright."

Izaya sighed in relief as the blonde went away from the door. He looked down at his left arm. Oh, yeah, he had cut himself. Whatever, he didn't even bleed a lot. There were just a bit of blood coming out of the wound. It's not like it was sliding down his arm or anything.

The blood was quickly dried off with some toilet paper and the razor was washed in the sink. And just in case, he hid it inside his toilet bag on his own shelf in his and his sisters' cabinet. He waited for the wound to stop bleeding.

It didn't take long before it completely stopped and so, he flushed the toilet and washed his hands and his face. He had been crying after all and he wouldn't want to look even more horrible than usually. Besides, he wouldn't want Shizuo to know that he had been crying.

Wait, wouldn't Shizuo ask about the cut if he noticed? It wasn't very large nor was it deep but it was still visible and looked fresh. How would he hide something like that? What would he say if Shizuo noticed? Not just Shizuo, what would he say if _anyone _noticed?

The raven sighed upon realizing this, though it didn't take long for him to come up with a plan.

* * *

"Sure took you long," Shizuo said as Izaya finally entered his own room.

"I'll go take a shower, Shizu-chan," Izaya said completely ignoring the blonde as he immediately went to his closet and quickly found some clothes. He felt relieved the second the clothes were picked up and sneakily hiding his left wrist.

"_What_? Come on, Izaya. Get over here and-" before Shizuo could finish, Izaya had left the room and headed to the bathroom.

"Tch, stupid flea."

* * *

It's a bit short but, well, never mind that. I'll just have to upload the next chapter a bit faster then!  
I'm trying to update every week, so hopefully I'll stick with that, though I can't promise anything!

Thanks for the reviews!


	6. Chapter 6

It had been two months since last time he and Shizuo had spent the night together. Izaya had purposely avoided any sleepovers with the blonde since then. Hell, he had even avoided too much body contact!

Over the last two months Izaya had, by great control and lots of exercise, lost another 14 kilos - 14,2 to be more exact - and he now weighted 40 kilos. Then why was he still so fat? Sure his clothes didn't fit him anymore but he could hardly see _any _change on his body. Yes, he was indeed able to see a bit of bone now but he was still very far from being skinny. Unbelievable.

At the moment Izaya was sitting in class, staring out the window. It had gotten harder and harder to hide the evidence of him not eating. He really didn't get why but his mother had asked if he had lost some weight. How she was able to see that was a mystery to Izaya. Then a few days later Shinra had asked as well. How could he see any change? Besides, he had been hiding the small change that had happened so no one would find out, though, he was mostly hiding his body because he still thought he was way too fat to show it off. Who would want to look at a body as fat and disgusting as his?

He was brought back to reality as the teacher suddenly called his name.

"Orihara, can you solve this?" the teacher asked, pointed to a calculation written on the blackboard.

Izaya simple left his chair and walked to the blackboard. He grabbed the chalk and began solving the problem but suddenly stopped. How was he supposed to solve this again?

His mind went blank and he couldn't remember anything he had learned about math. Everything just disappeared. That had never happened before. Well, he hadn't really been paying attention in class lately. Maybe that was the reason why he couldn't solve the problem? But he usually never paid attention in class since he got straight A's because he already knew everything they taught him. Not that that's entirely true. He did listen sometimes if the teacher happened to be teaching something he didn't already know but at those times he would only need a short explanation before he knew exactly how to deal with whatever it might be.

Now that he looked closer at the problem he had never tried to solve any math problem like this before. Was that what they had been taught recently? He hadn't paid attention at all! He had no idea how to solve a problem like this.

"I can't," Izaya simply said as he put down the chalk and went back to his seat.

Just as the teacher was about to say something, Izaya was saved by the school bell and left the classroom in a hurry, walking straight into the boys' restroom and into one of the booths.

He had been cutting a bit once in a while and had been hiding the cuts with long sleeves. It hadn't been too bad but he did have quite a number of cuts. And not just on his wrist. No, he had started cutting into his thighs as well. He had four cuts on his left thigh, seven on his right thigh and fifteen on his left wrist. The ones on his wrist weren't _that _deep but he had bleed quite a lot from most of them and a few times the blood had run down his arm.

The cuts on his thighs were deeper than the ones on his wrist. The ones on his left thigh were slightly deeper than the ones on his wrist and the same goes for his right thigh, though three of those cuts were much deeper. They were so deep that when he had made them he had wondered if he should call Shinra or go to the hospital to see if he needed stitches. But he had refrained himself from doing so and dealt with the pain. Those deeper cuts had hurt a lot after all and even though Izaya really had enjoyed the pain, he wasn't aiming to die.

Or was he?

The raven sat down on the closed toilet lid and took out his phone from his pocket. He took off the back cover to reveal the phone's battery and an object he had hidden there.

It was the blade from a pencil sharpener.

A few days earlier he had desperately taken a pencil sharpener from his pencil case and hurried to the bathroom. Izaya had then stepped on it to break the plastic and had somehow managed get the screw out to get the small blade. The blade was, of course, used to cut himself and just like always, it had calmed him down.

He wasn't quite sure why but he had begun feeling the _need _to cut himself. Every time something upset him, he would turn to the razor in his bathroom, the blade in the back of his phone or his switchblade. Izaya had promised Shizuo not to bring the switchblade to school anymore, since the principal wasn't very fond of his students bringing weapons to school.

But there Izaya was once again; alone in the bathroom, ready to cut himself.

He pulled up his sleeve where he could see all the other cuts he had made. They went from the base of his wrist and about five cm from there towards his elbow. It wasn't bad. There weren't _that _many cuts.

Izaya found a clean spot in between the cuts and placed the tip of the blade against his skin. He felt humiliated by not having been able to solve the math problem. His whole class had been watching!

With thoughts filled with hatred for himself he dragged the blade across his wrist; feeling relief the moment the blade cut through his skin. It felt amazing. And what made it even better was the great amount of relief he felt once blood appeared in the fresh cut. It felt _so _good.

A shiver ran down his spine and he couldn't help but want to do it again. He put the tip once more on a clean spot just underneath the lowest cut and dragged the blade across the skin. This time he pressed down harder and made the cut longer. It was strange how something so wrong could feel so _right_. The tip of the blade was placed right back in the wound and he cut through it once more, which made the cut deeper. He cut into it again. And again. After three times of cutting into the same wound he stopped to just stare at it.

He sure was bleeding.

The blood slowly made it out of the wound and gently ran down one side of his arm, where it slit down onto the floor.

It wasn't as bad as it sounds. It was only about three drops that fell onto the floor and it weren't big drops. But still, Izaya felt great. He felt better after having cut himself.

After cleaning up he pulled down his sleeve and went back to class as if nothing had happened.

* * *

Finally the bell rang, indicating that school was now over and everyone could go home. Izaya sighed softly as he packed his things and then left the classroom. He just wanted to go home and curl up in bed. He was a bit tired too. Hell, he had been rather tired everyday lately. This was probably because he hadn't been eating much. Never mind that. All he needed was some rest. And some exercise too.

"Izaya?"

The raven was just about to walk out of the school gates when he heard a familiar voice call his name. He turned around and a tall blonde was running towards him.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya questioned as said blonde stopped before him.

"We need to talk."

* * *

Thanks for the reviews! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

I'm sorry if it's a bit boring but I feel these things need to be said before anything happens between Shizuo and Izaya.


	7. Chapter 7

The walk to Izaya's parents' house was quiet and utterly awkward. There was this tense silence and Izaya didn't dare to speak. He was terrified of what the blonde could want to talk to him about. Shizuo hadn't found out, had he? No, he couldn't have. It was impossible. Izaya had done so well at hiding it after all.

They walked quietly down the street and entered the empty house and silently went upstairs, into Izaya's room. Izaya closed the door behind them and sat down on his bed.

"What was it that you wanted to talk about?" Izaya asked. His voice had come out much smugger than he had thought it would. What a relief.

"You know, I'm not good with words but," Shizuo trailed off, seeming like he took a few moments to think before continuing, "Izaya, why have you been avoiding me?"

Why did the brute always have to be so direct? Not to mention blunt.

"I haven't been avoiding you, Shizu-chan. We've just had plans on the days where the other was free. Things like that occur," he explained calmly, though Shizuo didn't seem to buy it, as he frowned at the reply.

"Flea, drop it. Something's obviously bothering you."

Okay, Shizuo hadn't seemed to notice he had been loosing weight, which was a relief. Though, somehow, he felt a bit hurt that Shizuo hadn't noticed. It only proved how fat he really was. There had been no change, even though he had lost 14,2 kilos. How disappointing.

"Nothing is bothering me. What could it possibly be anyway?" he said with a chuckle.

Shizuo wouldn't have any of that today and quickly went to Izaya and grabbed the collar of his shirt. He pulled him upwards, to eye level, and got surprised at how light Izaya was. He almost threw him to the ceiling! He carefully put Izaya back down and took a step back. Shizuo seemed to have an expression that was somewhat of a mix between being slightly scared and angry.

"What?" Izaya said with a frown.

"What the hell, flea. You're so light," he commented, surprise obvious in his voice.

Izaya didn't know how to reply and he didn't have to, because Shizuo decided to say something instead.

"I thought you looked skinnier than usual too. I've been thinking that for a while. What happened?"

"Happened? Nothing happened. I'm the same as always, ne?" This was starting to get bad.

"No!" Shizuo exclaimed angrily. "Take off your shirt," he said surprisingly calmly. "Now," he said more sternly.

"Excuse me?" Izaya said surprised. "I don't think so."

Shizuo went right up to him and forcefully pulled Izaya's small black jacket and red shirt off. Izaya yelped and immediately turned his back on Shizuo, feeling exposed to a point he wasn't comfortable with.

Shizuo's eyes widened slightly at the sight. Izaya was all skin and bones! Well, he was before too, but now he looked horrible! His spine was disgustingly visible and so where his hips and shoulder blades. He noticed that Izaya was shaking lightly and hugged him from behind. "Shit…" the blonde mumbled.

"Izaya, what have you done to yourself?" he asked in a low tone, yet he still sounded angry.

Izaya didn't say anything. He _couldn't _say anything. Shizuo knew now and it was far too soon. He was still fat and he didn't want Shizuo to see his body until he had become skinny.

"Idiot!" Shizuo exclaimed and let go of Izaya; his anger slowly rising as the facts sunk in. "Look at yourself, flea!"

"Shut up!" Izaya exclaimed, "You don't know anything!" he yelled angrily and turned to face Shizuo, "I'm fat, you stupid protozoan!" he snapped. "I didn't want you to see me until I had become skinny, but no, you just _had _to ruin it-"

"Fat? You honestly believe you're fat?" Shizuo asked somehow calmly.

"Yes! Because that is the truth!"

"You're not fat, you're way too skinny!" he yelled. "Look at yourself! You're all skin and bones, there's no fat on your body at all! You look sick and it's awful!"

Izaya froze. "Excuse me?" he said lowly. "Awful? Sick? I know. It's disgusting how fat I am."

"Izaya, you're not fat. How can you call that fat? I've never seen anyone this skinny!" Shizuo said and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "We have to talk about this. And I guess you're parents will need to kno-"

"No!" Izaya yelled, taking Shizuo by surprise. However, it only managed to get him angrier.

"I don't give a shit about what you think, flea," he growled. "How much do you weight?"

Izaya huffed and looked the other way, crossing his thin arms over his chest. Shizuo took another look at Izaya now that he could see his front. He was so thin. He could see his ribs and his hip bones were sticking out as well. The bones in his shoulders and arms where visible too. His fingers were very bony now. He looked at his arms and- Wait.

"Izaya, what is that?" he frowned and grabbed the raven's left arm. He looked at his wrist and to his horror, there were cuts on it. "What happened?" he asked in surprise.

Izaya tried to pull away from Shizuo's grip but with no use. "It's nothing."

"It's not 'nothing'!" he snapped and then pulled himself together before continuing, "What happened?" he asked again.

"I cut myself," Izaya said in a low tone, looking the other way. Avoiding eye contact was a very unusual thing for Izaya to do and it bothered Shizuo. It didn't just bother him, it _annoyed _him. Izaya wasn't the type to simply look away even if he was uncomfortable with the situation.

"You what?" Shizuo said in pure surprise. "Izaya," he walked towards Izaya which made the black-haired walk backwards until the back of his legs hit his bed. He sat down and Shizuo sat down on his knees on the floor, before his boyfriend. The blonde wrapped his arms around Izaya's waist and buried his face in the raven's abdomen. "We need to get you back on track," he growled.

Izaya didn't say anything but merely hugged the blonde back. Shizuo, on the other hand, didn't have a very strong grip on Izaya and the raven did notice that. He also knew that Shizuo was angry enough to want to punch something, but he had refrained from doing so. It only proved how good Shizuo had become at controlling his anger at this point.

Izaya was terrified that Shizuo had found out and didn't know what to do. What would happen? Would he make him fat again?

* * *

Shizuo snuggled closer to Izaya, trying to calm down. It was just really hard considering just how bad the situation was. Izaya was incredibly skinny and it worried him to no end. He didn't have any meat on those bones. How much did Izaya weight? Would he be able to recover? Just how bad was it actually?

All those thoughts were overwhelming for Shizuo and he didn't know what he could do to help Izaya in his recovery. He only knew that no matter what, he would do _anything _he could to save him.

It was strange. For once, Shizuo was actually _scared_.

* * *

I'm very sorry that it took me so long. Updating once a week won't work, I guess. I'll _try _updating once every month, but I won't promise you anything. So no, I've not neglected this story at all, in case you were wondering. I just need to be in a… special mood to write this, which is why I haven't been able to write anything. I haven't felt like writing either. Sorry! ^^

Thanks for all the lovely reviews! And thanks for reading my story!


	8. Chapter 8

"I don't want to. It's not necessary. You're being irrational, I can do this on my own," the black-haired protested.

Shizuo and Izaya had stayed in the position on the bed for awhile, until Shizuo and left the floor and stood up. There had been a long awkward silence before any of them dared to say anything and now they were arguing.

The blonde sighed and Izaya could tell his boyfriend was gonna loose his cool soon. "Don't be stupid, Izaya. We have to talk to your parents, whether you fucking like it or not," Shizuo growled in annoyance.

"No, I assure you it won't be a problem. I'll be fine in no time." Like hell he would. He didn't even _want _to recover. It only meant getting even fatter and of course he wouldn't want that. Recovery scared him to death, just knowing he would have to gain weight. It's not like it was that bad anyway; you could hardly see his bones. Or at least that's what he thought.

"Like hell you will, flea! Look at yourself!" Shizuo exclaimed angrily.

"Yes, Shizu-chan, so what?" Izaya said calmly.

That was it. Shizuo was going to snap, but he didn't dare to touch Izaya. If he as much as thought about punching the raven, he feared he would break all of his bones and possibly kill him. He couldn't have that. It was horrible and he knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself after having hurt Izaya so badly. The flea looked so damn fragile and even a light punch from a _regular guy_ would probably sent him to the hospital with a broken bone or two. So if Shizuo punched him, he might die. At least that was what Shizuo thought.

Instead, Shizuo hurried out of the room, slamming the door to Izaya's room shut behind him as he walked angrily down the stairs. He needed some fresh air. Hopefully that would calm his nerves and he could avoid breaking anything, whether it was some of Izaya's parents' belongings or a brick wall in town, but most importantly; he would avoid hurting his beloved boyfriend.

The blonde put on his shoes and slammed the front door shut behind him as he walked out the door. It was sunny outside, luckily, so it was just the right weather for him to go for a walk. The weather lady had said it would rain at some point that day, but for some reason, that didn't seem to be the case. Well, they never really were that good at predicting the weather anyway, so it wasn't exactly a surprise that the weather lady had been wrong.

Shizuo walked to the nearest park which was very close to Izaya's house. The blonde sat down on a bench, taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh as he exhaled. He watched a few children play around in the sandbox, making castles out of sand and then pretending to be giants who destroyed the small cities they had just made from the sand. As it was quite cute, Shizuo relatively quickly managed to calm down. After a while, he found his phone in his pocket and found out he had sat there for almost thirty minutes. Perhaps it was about time he got back to his boyfriend.

Him and Izaya had some things they would need to sort out and Izaya was going to get help, whether he liked it or not.

* * *

Izaya couldn't believe it. What had just happened?

Shizuo had stormed out of his room in the middle of their little argument and just left the room? How childish of him! How could he just leave Izaya like that? Well, perhaps it was for the best. But Shizuo had seemed determined about telling his parents about Izaya's weight loss. The only thing Izaya could hope for was that Shizuo didn't tell them. Izaya didn't want to put on weight and get even fatter than he already was. He looked liked a damn whale! How could Shizuo even have suggested he was skinny? It was just absurd!

The raven sat quietly on his bed, before leaning down to pick up his shirt, pulling it on. He then proceeded to sit there quietly, eyes closing and shoulders jumping when he heard the sound of the front door slamming shut. Shizuo had left the house? _The house_?! Why in the world would he do that? Sure, the blonde needed to calm down, but leaving the house was definitely crossing the line. They would be able to work it out somehow. There was absolutely no reason to just back off and leave like that.

A tear ran down the raven's face.

"Eh?" he let out, voice shaky and insecure. "What? Why am I crying?" he mumbled, whipping the tear away only for a new one to roll down his cheek. "Stop it," Izaya murmured, rubbing the tears off with his sleeves. "Stop, you stupid idiot!" he cried out, finally starting to just let loose and let all his tears and agony show through his expression as he cried his heart out. Izaya threw himself onto the bed, burying his face in his pillow to somehow muffle his cries. At least no one was home to hear. His parents were at work, his sisters were at a friend's house and his annoying boyfriend had just left him all by himself after having an argument with him.

Perhaps Shizuo didn't even care? Maybe that was why he had left? Shizuo probably didn't want to bother with Izaya and decided to just end there relationship there and then.

The thought crushed the raven but it did make sense. That might actually be the reason why Shizuo had left, even if Izaya didn't like the idea. It made him even more miserable and worthless than he already did and his fingers grabbed the pillow tightly as he cried and cried into the soft material, eventually soaking the fabric. The mere thought of the blonde breaking up with him over something to trivial really broke his heart. How could he? It really must have been because he was fat, then – but in that case, why would Shizuo have told him he was skinny? It didn't make any sense! The raven was so unbearably fat that he didn't even deserve to walk the earth! At least that was how he felt and what he honestly believed.

Shizuo had left him. He definitely had. It would probably be for the best, anyway. The blonde would be better of without him – he could find someone better, too; someone more talented, someone prettier, thinner… someone _better_. Izaya hadn't even deserved the blonde in the first place but despite that, he couldn't help but _want _him. He really did love Shizuo and there was nothing he could do to change that. It was simply a fact that Izaya loved him.

But it was all over now. There was nothing to be done. He was sure of it; Shizuo had left him.

* * *

Hi! I'm SO sorry about the incredibly long wait. I hadn't thought it would take me this long, but at least I got something done… xb We kinda moved, so I had that to take care of that too! But that's just a bad excuse xD I've had plenty of time despite that.

Sorry!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading my story, I really do appreciate it!  
And thanks for all the lovely reviews! I really do enjoy reading every single one of them!


	9. Chapter 9

That was a stupid move. Shizuo should have never left Izaya all alone after he had just yelled at him, but had he stayed, he would surely either have smashed a wall or killed Izaya by mistake and had he smashed a wall, it would presumably have broke and Izaya would have been killed anyway. Since neither of those options sounded good to the blonde, he had left. However now he had calmed down and it was about time he got back to Izaya. He better just face him and get this over with. All he would need to do was tell Izaya that his parents needed to know about the 'problem' and he would tell them no matter what. After all, Shizuo wasn't going to be able to get Izaya through this on his own he knew that despite almost knowing _nothing _about eating disorders. It was a miracle Shizuo even knew what an eating disorder was and he assumed that was what Izaya had.

Slowly, the blonde made it back to the house he had left about forty minutes ago. He lingered a few minutes before the door, taking his sweet time to simply pull himself together for what might happen next. Shizuo was pretty sure Izaya was upset and he wasn't even sure he would let him in if the raven had locked the door. Taking a deep breath and exhaling, the blonde grabbed the door handle and to his luck, the door wasn't locked. He stepped inside, slipping off his shoes and locking the door before carefully moving upstairs and towards his boyfriend's room.

Shizuo really didn't know what to expect. It could be that Izaya was furious and would throw his pillow at him and tell him to leave but Izaya could also be semi angry or maybe just a bit upset and sad about all that had happened. However Shizuo had yet to see Izaya sad. Despite having dated for quite long, he had never seen the guy really sad and he definitely hadn't seen him cry or yell out in frustration. Hopefully the two of them would stay together long enough to let Shizuo experience more of his emotions, and maybe they would stay together forever – who knew? Izaya was careful about letting his emotions show, Shizuo knew that, but the raven had let up some and allowed himself to show Shizuo a lot more than he would normally show others – the blonde was sure he knew more about Izaya than Shinra did by now, which was a great accomplishment, at least to Shizuo. Sure, Izaya could be difficult, but it was all worth it. Besides, Shizuo could be just as difficult as Izaya, so they both had to put up with a lot of things from each other and none of them seemed to mind.

Once the blonde reached the top of the stairs, he slowly went towards the raven's door, which was closed. A sigh left the tall high school student just before he gently knocked on the door.

"Izaya, I'm coming in," he said in a low, gentle tone, though it was loud enough for Izaya to hear. Shizuo carefully opened the door, and stepped inside before closing the door behind him. Izaya lay on his bed with his face buried in his pillow. Shizuo stepped closer and sat down at the edge of the bed, beside Izaya's hips.

"I'm sorry I got so angry at you, but all this just freaked me out," the blonde explained but Izaya didn't move. "I'm still telling your parents so we can figure this out and that's how it's going to be." The raven still did nothing but lay there; his upper back moving slightly as he breathed. Did he simply not care about what Shizuo had to say or was he too upset to respond?

"Izaya?" Shizuo questioned, placing a hand on Izaya's upper back. That caused the raven to turn his head to the side so that he was facing the blonde. That explained why Izaya hadn't been responding. He was asleep. The taller male let out a sigh and brushed the hair out of Izaya's face.

"Shit," Shizuo mumbled in slight shock. Izaya had been crying. He could tell from how his cheek that was turned upwards was shining slightly in the light. Great, he had made Izaya cry. Just _great_! But there was nothing he could do now nor was there anything he could have done about it before. The whole issue had made Shizuo upset and surely Izaya would be able to understand that even if it had made the raven upset as well.

Shizuo ran a hand through blonde locks, letting out another sigh before gently cupping Izaya's cheek. He had been right; it was still damp which indicated that Izaya had indeed been crying. As if he would have to feel Izaya's cheek to make sure he really had been crying. It was damn obvious from the way his cheek had been shining in the light, yet he still felt the need to check? Well, he supposed it only confirmed how he hated the fact that he had made his boyfriend upset enough to actually cry. After all, Izaya never cried - as far as Shizuo or anyone else knew. Though he felt bad about making the other cry, there really was nothing to be done about it and he didn't feel _that _bad about it. Shizuo had been upset too and in the end he had once more found himself unable to control his anger. It wasn't exactly anything new – far from it – and Izaya would understand that. Hopefully. Leaving had been the best option anyway, because had he stayed he would not only have hurt his boyfriend psychologically but only physically, which would have been far worse.

"Nnn…"

Shizuo snapped out of his thoughts as he heard the other make a small sound. The raven stirred in his sleep and Shizuo was sure the other was slowly waking up. The blonde would have to think about what he wanted to say. Screw it; perhaps it would be better to just say whatever came to him once Izaya was awake. Shizuo had never been good with words and thinking about exactly what to say would only get him to over think things and in the end all of his thoughts would come out in a mess of words and none of what he wanted to say would make any sense. He knew, since he had tried it before. It was when he was going to ask Izaya out on their first date. It had gone horribly wrong but Izaya had just laughed and told Shizuo he would love to go out with him. That had made Shizuo happier than Izaya could possibly imagine.

"Mmm," Izaya mumbled, unconsciously leaning into the hand on his cheek.

"Izaya?" Shizuo called out in a low, gentle tone as he nuzzled the other's cheek soothingly. He couldn't help but smile. Izaya just looked too damn cute when he was half asleep like that. "Wake up, Izaya. We need to talk."

The black-haired was slowly awaking, blinking a few times to clear his blurred vision before he was finally able to focus on the night table which stood to the side of the bed, in the direction of which he was looking. That's when he noticed the hand on his cheek and Izaya turned his head slightly, eyes quickly locking with caramel ones. It was Shizuo. Shizuo had come back to him. Maybe the blonde hadn't left him after all? He hadn't! Shizuo had come back to him!

"I-Izaya? Are you okay?" Shizuo asked, slightly freaked out by how Izaya seemed to tear up once more. This time, however, the raven didn't hold back.

"Shizu-chan.." he mumbled, voice slightly raspy from having cried so much earlier. "Shizu-chan!" he cried out, quickly sitting up and jumping into the other male's arms. He sat on his knees, face buried in Shizuo's chest as he hugged him tightly; helplessly clinging to the taller male as his small hands clenched on the back of Shizuo's shirt. "Shizu-chan… Shizu-chan…" Izaya mumbled over and over again. He didn't even care that Shizuo was probably still planning on telling his parents about his little 'problem'. All he cared about was that Shizuo was _back_. The fact that he had come back meant that he hadn't decided to break up with him, Izaya knew Shizuo well enough to know that.

Shizuo was surprised to suddenly have his boyfriend jumping into his arms and hugging him like that but he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around the raven and gently return the hug. However he was being extremely careful not to hurt the skinny raven. Izaya was so damn skinny that Shizuo was afraid a simply touch would break him but for now, he wouldn't mention it. None of them needed that. For now, they just needed to hold each other.

"It's okay, Izaya," Shizuo assured him as his palm rubbed an affectionate circle into the other's back. "Just let it out. It's okay." The taller male was surprised to actually see this side of Izaya but he was happy that Izaya felt comfortable enough around him to be able to just let it out and _cry_. It sure seemed like he needed it, too.

"I love you, Izaya, and we're gonna get through this," he told his boyfriend truthfully. "I promise."

* * *

Sorry it always takes me so long, but at least I've made you another chapter now! I hope this is alright!  
I'm sorry if Izaya is a bit too ooc…

Thanks for the reviews and please leave me a new one! Critique is always welcome! (:  
Ah, and thank you for reading this story! I really appreciate it! And also, thanks for all the follows and favourites! It always makes me happy to see that people are actually reading my story.

Thank you! (;


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